For nearly six years I have lived in a community of religious men seeking to live humbly and serve others. I’ve been to workshops, heard lectures, went on retreats, prayed for countless hours, and really, just lived this life for more than 2000 days. You would think that I’d have learned a few lessons in that time.

Apparently not.

A couple of weeks ago, I came home for lunch to find a mess in the kitchen: there was peanut butter everywhere. If that sounds like a strange statement, it’s because it is. I don’t know who did it or how it happened without them noticing, but there was peanut butter on the faucet of the sink, the counter, the cabinet handle, the refrigerator, and the bag of bread. Presumably, someone used the peanut butter, got some on his hand without realizing it, and spread it to everything he touched.

Ultimately, that’s irrelevant, though. My first reaction was not “how…” it was “ah hell no!” I took one look at the mess and said, as I have been known to do over the past six years, “Not my problem.” I was not going to deal with this mess. I was in a hurry, had my own lunch to make… whoever did this—and all the rest of the friars—could come home and see what a jerk he was and clean it himself. Not doing it.

*Fast forward fifteen seconds.*

There I was, having leaned up against the counter I had just complained about, with peanut butter on my habit. Ugh. This is not going to come out easily. Initially even angrier at whoever had left the mess, I found myself feeling really stupid moments later. Had I simply taken fifteen seconds to get a rag and cleaning spray, the kitchen would have been clean and my habit would not smell like lunch. Was it REALLY that big of a deal to clean up after someone else?

The answer is no. And really, the answer is always no. As much as what the other person did is disrespectful, rude, lazy, and inexcusable, a passive-aggressive response is never the answer. Letting myself get angry and handling the issue indirectly—simply leaving the mess in hopes that it will annoy others or send a message to the person who did it—is not the way to resolve an issue; it’s the way I get peanut on myself.

Hmm. . . How symbolic. . . It’s almost as if when we try to avoid an issue, choosing to “send a message” rather than simply talking with the person with whom we have a problem, we end up carrying the mess ourselves without them even knowing it. . .

Naturally, this is but an insignificant kitchen situation, but really, how different is it from the serious issues of life? So often in my life I find myself frustrated with something someone else has done, how they’ve treated me, or what they stand for. How easy it would be to simply address the issue head on, grab a rag, and get rid of it: “Hey, can we talk about something that’s bothering me?” But no. I prefer to hold onto my resentment, let myself get angry without them knowing anything is wrong, and hope that they get the message from my subtle slights and distancing myself from them. That’ll show them what they did.

Or it won’t.

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how “religious” we are or how much we know, the simplest lessons need to be repeated from time to time; sometimes we need to go back to basics. Luckily for us Christians, the liturgical year offers us a built in mechanism for doing just that. As we pass from season to season—and now as we approach Lent—we return to lessons and teachings that we’ve heard again and again, hoping each year that some will stick for the long haul. It’s a chance to look at our lives and reflect, to take a step back, return to what we know and ask ourselves if that’s what we do. As I have found out over the past six years, and as I was reminded in the kitchen just a few weeks ago, our faith is not the exclusive domain of sacred spaces and buildings: it is something that is lived (and learned) in the ordinary, mundane, messes-in-the-kitchen situations of life. One day, if we’re lucky, we’ll all learn our lesson.

Every morning I wake up to the news on my phone, scrolling through articles on my “News” app and checking out what I missed on Facebook. Over the past few months, this has generally set me up for a frustrating morning. Bad news after bad news has built up a lot of anxiety in me, and with others around the world, has tempted me to fall into fatalistic cynicism: the world is terrible and it’s only going to get worse.

And maybe it is, and maybe it will. I don’t know and I don’t want to diminish the real issues that we face. But there is a danger in this way of thinking, no matter how bad things actually are. When we allow the bad around us to dominate our worldview, we may not be able to see the good right in front of us; when we get bogged down by the negative details, we may fail to see the wonderful bigger picture.

One example of this was an opinion piece that was published in the New York Times last month entitled “Why 2017 May Be the Best Year Ever.” Unconcerned for a moment about the US political climate or the major problems elsewhere, the author provides a larger, more optimist look at the world. Because of our worldwide efforts in medicine, technology, trade, and diplomacy, 250,000 people a day graduate from extreme poverty. Since the 1980s, global poverty has been reduced from 40% to 10%, with a further decline to 3-4% expected by 2030. Inequality has dropped worldwide, major diseases are being irradiated, and 85% of the world is now literate. Add these things to numbers found from other sources, and we see that global terrorist attacks are also down since the 1980s and abortion rates in the US hit a record low in 2014, two statistics that point towards progress and should make us rejoice! In many ways, the world is doing really well, and there is reason to be quite hopeful.

The big picture can be a bit intangible, though, and hard to feel much emotion for. The fact that people 8000 miles away are less poor is fantastic, but too disconnected to have any real effect on our lives.

Enter some amazing people at Immaculate Conception Church to do the trick. On Wednesday of last week, we were notified that we were approved to sponsor a refugee family resettling in the area, a process that had begun in October (and promptly given up on in January…) Two problems: there were eight of them in the family, and they were arriving in five days. Yikes! Could we even pull this off? Fearing that the majority of the work would fall on me, I was hesitant at first and even considered saying “no” to the agency. “There’s just not enough time and we’re not ready. Maybe the next one.”

Thank God I didn’t.

Within 24 hours, saints emerged. One woman immediately jumped to work, and without even being asked began organizing an effort to collect, sort, and launder clothing, complete with a schedule, sign ups, and quotas; within two days we were turning away clothes. Another woman, within hours of the initial email asking for help, was in the parish office with a checklist of everything we needed, when and where we could get each item, and who to contact about difficult items; by the time we were given the key to the apartment, we had already acquired five beds, two cribs, a kitchen table, eight chairs, sofas, kitchen supplies, and countless odds and ends. Of course unable to do it herself, three men—who had nothing to do with the refugee planning team—found themselves taking off work to delivery all of this stuff, putting together beds, and making minor repairs; in two days we went from an empty apartment to fully furnished, organized, and decorated. On guy stepped forward to coordinate all of the volunteer efforts, creating a database online with all of our documents, schedules, message boards, and contact information in hours; we went from disorganized “reply all” emails to a password protected, organized hub fit for a corporation.

And it didn’t stop.

Everywhere I’ve looked for 11 days I’ve seen an outpouring of generosity: people dropping off clothes hours after we requested them, random volunteers showing up for an hour at a time to organize the house, a home-cooked meal for the family upon arrival, shopping on their behalf, people stepping forward to be on the team, a donor who fronted the entire budget for three months (Yeah. $5000.), volunteers taking time to learn words in Swahili so they can better communicate, and the fact that we have too many volunteers at this point to give everyone enough time with the family so some people are getting jealous.

That’s right, we have so much generosity we don’t even know what to do with it. It’s been one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

Had you asked me a month ago what I thought of the world and its outlook, I might have given a pretty bleak response. Politically, the world is in a tense time, and there is a lot to get upset about. The world is terrible, and it’s only going to get worse. Little did I know what I was about to experience. Looking at the world from a global, longitudinal perspective, and looking at the world as it exists in the hearts and minds of the people all around me, I see a much different perspective.

So, is the world good? Is the world bad? In a word, yes. The fact of the matter is that there are always ways in which we have fallen short and need to call for greater justice and progress, and there are always ways in which we’ve already accomplished so much and are capable of even more incredible things. The world is always a mix of “already” and “not yet.” The challenge, at least at times for me, is not the fact that there is so much wrong with the world that God still needs to transform, it’s seeing how much of our world has already been transformed by His grace all around us and allowing myself to be surprised by goodness.

Harry Potter is a kids book, right? Just a fantasy book about magic and wizards that caused a stir among some religious communities?

Not exactly.

Talk to the readers who made J.K. Rowling the first and only billionaire author by purchasing 400 million copies and you’ll hear a different story: these are stories about overcoming adversity, showing enormous moral character, coming of age, the rise of a fascist dictator, and the fight of good versus evil. Although placed within the container of a magical world and fraught with mythical creatures and powers, what captivated millions was what was beneath the surface. Love. Friendship. Fortitude. Adventure. Virtue. Life.

For millions, it is the best adventure series they will ever read, one that has touched them deeply in a way that can never be forgotten.

And yet, talk to Christian readers, and you’ll find that there’s something even more. While Harry Potter fits nicely into the teen/”coming of age”/fantasy book category with The Hunger Games, Percy Jackson—albeit not as well written—there is something fundamentally different about what J.K. Rowling has done. Beyond the teenager themes of self-idenity and overcoming difficulties present each series, there is one theme that, I would argue, defines the Harry Potter apart from the rest: death. From the very first page to the last, death is pervasive. The whole series is built around the murder of Harry’s parents. Roughly 100 characters are mentioned to have died throughout. Harry himself (spoiler alert) dies in the seventh book… until he comes back to life. For the Christian, an adherent of a faith that is built upon a death and so has a particular understanding of the experience, this is something that immediately captures our attention. Is Harry Potter subtly Christian?

My answer? No. Harry Potter is overtly Christian. In the way it understands death, in the role that Harry plays for his friends, and most importantly, the way we should live our lives, I think that J.K. Rowling had a strong understanding of Christian theology when she penned this series. For me, Harry Potter is not just an amazing series of well-told stories, it is a glimpse into our faith.

That was the focus of my talk last Friday evening at Immaculate Conception Church: Harry Potter, Death, and the Christian Experience. I’ve included the whole 30 minute talk as well as 12 minutes of questions. If you have any questions of your own, please don’t hesitate to ask!

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After six months of fighting it, I was finally sucked in. Like the Demogorgon monster in the show, the heavily acclaimed Netflix original series Stranger Things pulled me in and wouldn’t let go. In just 26 hours, I finished all 8 episodes, hungry for more.

Among the most compelling aspects of this science-fiction mystery was its creative use of 1980s allusions. Set in 1983 and filled with references to E.T., The Goonies, Stand By Me, The Thing, Alien, Carrie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Star Wars, The Evil Dead, Jaws, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Poltergeist, and Predator (among others, not to mention the music!), one might be led to believe that it was written by Stephen King and directed by Stephen Spielberg. It felt that familiar.

And while I believe that the writers did a fantastic job paying homage to the source material without wholesale copying it, creating something new that is inspired by what we love of the old rather than simply copying and pasting what has already been done, there is no denying its intention to play on nostalgia to hook viewers. References. Music. Themes. Cinematography. Color schemes. And of course, the hair.

Naturally, it was fantastic. I loved every minute of it, frankly, because nostalgia is awesome. A selective remembrance of the past, nostalgia calls to mind less the facts of what happened and more how we felt while experiencing them. Using bits of real-life events, it captures the atmosphere of a time, transporting us back to a younger, more youthful state, one with hope and excitement.

There are, of course, two major problems with nostalgia though. The first is that this “selective memory” often presents only the good parts of history leaving people yearning for what they believe to be much better times than than ever actually existed. Watching an ’80s movie or television show might capture the optimism or “simpler life” the US felt at that time, but it also forgets the difficulties of the time and the ways that we’ve benefited from important advancements.

This is only made worse, then, by an obvious yet more complicated second problem: many people today, including myself, were not even alive to experience that life for themselves. The Duffer Brothers—the writers and directors of the show—were not even born until 1984! But it’s not just “young people” like myself. Think about it. Assuming one had to be at least seven to have a viable memory of 1983, we’re talking about less than half of today’s US population being able to watch Stranger Things with any firsthand experience of what life was like at that time. Sure, the rest of us can watch as aficionados having seen the movies, listened to the music, heard the stories, and engrossed ourselves in the history. And that’s great… but as much as we may have seen of the ’80s after the fact, those of us who did not live through it will always lack a fundamental piece of the puzzle: context.

Art does not exist in a vacuum but comes out of and is interpreted by the time in which it is presented. When I watch Poltergeist or listen to The Clash, I do not do so with the social, political, economic, and cultural background of those who originally wrote and consumed them, I do so with my experience of being a child in the 1990s and coming of age in the 2000s. While I may watch and listen to the same media—and to some extent I can even appreciate them—I do not ultimately experience the same thing. My watching and listening is unavoidably textured by a worldview different from the one in which it was made. What I experience, in a way, is something new and other than what was originally published.

It is from this perspective of history that I can’t help but turn to much murkier and far more controversial waters, namely, the recent resurgence of traditional images and practices in the Catholic Church among young people (e.g. the Latin or “extraordinary form” of the mass, veils for women, the priest turning his back to the congregation, the ringing of bells during mass, and a host of other bygone or defunct liturgical or devotional practices.) For some, it is a welcomed sign of renewed faith among the youth and should be encouraged. For others, it is a disturbing sign of regression and should be corrected. For me, it’s a mixed bag.

As a faith with a strong emphasis on tradition, I don’t see anything inherently wrong with looking at history and recovering lost practices and traditions. Praying in the vernacular at mass, receiving the Eucharist under both species, the permanent diaconate, Catechumenate, and Easter Vigil are all essential practices of our contemporary faith that were lost and recovered in the 20th century. Old things can come back.

This does not mean, however, that just because something is old and lost that it should be brought back.

Nostalgia or proper understanding? Just as in the case of ’80s nostalgia, there are often people who yearn for things in the Church that they remember from when they were younger. “I loved doing that when I was little. We should do that again.” This is an argument based more on an emotional attachment to how one felt rather than an overall understanding of the situation, and it often lacks the whole picture. More often than not, what someone is yearning for is not a practice that better helped them experience God but in fact an experience that connects them to their childhood: doing X is not about the theological and ecclesiological significance in itself but how it is tied together with memories of family, culture, and a past world. Often, it forgets the negative effects X had on the wider Church, the misunderstandings it perpetuated, and the fact that it disappeared for a reason.

“Pick a century” game In my experience, though,—and maybe because the older generations remember the negative effects of certain practices— the yearning for a return to the things of old more often come from younger people than those who actually lived through them. Just as people of my generation look to ’80s music and movies with unexplained nostalgia, so too do some young people today look to the Church of the 1950s (and before) with longing hearts. But unlike those like myself who want more escapist, ’80s-themed dramas, there is a growing number of people who want to make what they’ve read and heard about a reality again, supplanting practices from another era (or century) in the modern world. As a professor of mine once said, it can be a sort of “pick a century” game, the practice of finding things to like in history, evaluating them in a vacuum without reference to its significance in the time it was practiced, and trying to impose it on the modern Church on the grounds that it is old so it must be true. Such a practice values something because of its age rather than its theological or practical merit.

A new world, a new meaning For me, the most important thing to remember in this discussions is that, just like someone born in 1989 watching 1983-themed shows, what is brought from the past to the present will inevitably be experienced and interpreted in the current world differently than how it was when originally practiced. Quite obviously, the Church today is different than the Church of old. Experiences like the sex-abuse crisis, women’s liberation, civil right’s movement, growing secularism, charismatic popes, globalization, guitar masses, and growing worldwide literacy—both the good and bad of the changing world—have changed the needs of the Church and changed the way that certain practices will be received. Because we can only recover the practice itself and not the world in which it originated, the meaning of even largely-accepted and widely-successful recoveries like the permanent diaconate and the Easter Vigil will absolutely be understood differently than when first practiced organically. They are, in a sense, new practices.

So, how do we evaluate what can and should be appropriately recovered from the tradition? While there needs to be an obvious concern for being in continuity with the overall trajectory of Christianity so to not recover outliers of history, I think the question that we need to ask is this: what does the contemporary Church actually need? When we look to something like Stranger Things, a show that is wildly successful based on its ability to build on 1980s themes, an important point comes to mind: there doesn’t seem to be a similar nostalgia in current works for 1970s and 1990s. Why is that? One could argue, I guess, that the productions of the 1980s are objectively better than in other decades and so have stood the test of time better. I would not. For me, I think its success says much more about our modern day than it does about the past: people today are looking for fun, optimism, and simple concepts that don’t require degrees to understand. The political tumult and racial tension of the 1970s? Seems too close to home. The angst and grunge of the 1990s? Doesn’t lift us up. How about the montage sequences, happy endings, dance scenes, and underdog stories of the 1980s? Now we’re talking. We bring back parts of history that fit us today, not necessarily the things that were best in their time.

I think looking through such a lens can help bridge the gap we face in much of our Church today. On the one hand, it helps people of older generations understand why the people after them are working to bring back the very things they got rid of. For whatever reason, there seems to be a yearning for greater showings of reverence and public displays of faith among the youth than in previous generations, and captivated by the spectacle of what they see in old pictures, it is a desire to embrace their faith in a secular world—not the corresponding clericalism or triumphalism that went with it in previous generations—that they hope to recover. On the other hand, it helps people of younger generations realize that faith, and its corresponding symbols, are not without their place in history and are more than just generic signs of faith and devotion. Certain images and practices of the faith, because they are so tied to a particular time, culture, or theological stance, (ironically enough) no longer represent the very thing they wish to share—an active, living, and growing faith—but instead serve as interpolations of bygone artifacts that never meant what they mean to them now.

Ultimately, we see everyday in our Church that the past is an important part of our future; it’s impossible to separate the experience of those who have gone before us from our own lived experience of faith. Nostalgia is not a bad thing when it comes to faith. And yet, we need to always remember that, as much as we can look back with longing hearts and eyes for inspiration, the world we live in is only our own. No one else can live it for us and nothing from the past in guaranteed to bring us to God in the way it did before. While it would be a tragedy to forget everything that has gone before us, I can think of no stranger thing than to revert back to images and practices simply on the basis of nostalgia. If our faith is alive, so too should be our expression of it.

There’s no question that the life of a friar or other religious is difficult and stressful at times. Given unparalleled access into the lives of complex and broken people, we are often asked to be all things for all people, providing spiritual, emotional, financial, and ethical support, all while admitting our own brokenness in a life of penance. Unlike most other professions, our life is our work, and sometimes, without the luxuries of long vacations, time off, or many creature comforts, the two can become so intertwined that we forget to take care of ourselves, eventually leading to burnout.

Time and time again we are reminded as formation students that we need to exercise “self-care.” Take a day off each week without question. Take a vacation every year. Find a hobby. Learn how to say no. Never forget to care for yourself otherwise you won’t be able to care for others.

It’s important business.

And yet, I can’t help but be troubled by it at the same time. As much as our lives can be stressful and lead to burnout, and as much as one’s day off and the desire for adequate self-care is important, there’s a fine line between between exercising self-care and being self-ish.

When I look at the lives of my friends and family, I don’t necessarily see people getting by with a life much easier than my own. Quite the contrary. I look at my peers and see them trying to make it in the marketplace, being asked to work extremely long hours while being barely compensated for their work. I see young parents “on the clock” 24 hours a day with the unending needs of little ones. I sense the unease of those in middle age who have not achieved the comfort of life that they expected, continuing to scrape by with limited savings, poor healthcare, and little room for mistakes. These are difficult and stressful lives as well.

And while, yes, in each of these cases there might be the freedom to enjoy greater vacations, a clearer disconnect from work, more flexibility in hobbies, and the possibility for more creature comforts, the overall idea of allowing “self-care” to trump work bears no weight in their regular lives. If there is work to be done, whether at home or work, it needs to be done. I’m sure my friends would love to go to their bosses and set their own hours so as to strike a comfortable work/leisure balance that is healthy and sustainable. But they can’t. They don’t have the flexibility and comfort that we do. I’m sure young parents would love to take a full self-care day a week in which they weren’t responsible for anything or anyone outside of themselves. But they can’t. As the popular Dayquil commercial say, “Moms don’t take sick days.” They don’t have the independence that we do. I’m sure people in their middle age would love to take an extended break from work to reflect, recollect themselves, and replenish their vigor for work once again. But they can’t. They don’t always have the opportunities for sabbaticals and leaves like we do.

For a moment not even taking into account the poorest that we serve—those who have no possibility of self-care in the ways I describe—I can’t help but feel a level of comfort and privilege compared to the average person even in being able to have this discussion. Maybe the idea of self-care is more of a luxury than we’ve been led to believe.

If so, where does this leave us friars and religious? Do we give up our days off in order to be selfless 24 hours a day, seven days a week?

Maybe we do. I can’t recall Mother Theresa ever taking a day at the spa or telling her sisters to beware of burnout! Maybe we go to the opposite extreme, never worrying about our health or wellness because others have it so much worse. There are times when my day off comes and I should just keep going; sure, I’d like to relax, but I don’t need it as much as others need me to work.

Or maybe we don’t. Just because others have it worse off than we do doesn’t make what they’re doing ideal or healthy, and if we have the opportunity, why not be the best we can be for people? We’re not talking about posh lifestyles, we’re talking about turning off our phones and going to the movies or golf course for a day to get away from it all. While I may not think I need a day off right at the moment, the collective weight of repeatedly working without leisure may leave me unable to serve in the future.

Naturally, I can’t give a universal answer. Depending on the person and their own conception of self, self-care could be a cross to bear, a discipline that one must follow to keep them from hurting themselves, or it could be an opportunity for ungenerous entitlement thinking, an unquestioned and inflexible privilege that one feels they deserve and will never surrender for others.  Maybe its best to give up even our self-care time on occasion. Maybe it’s actually selfish and unhealthy to never care for ourselves. I don’t know.

What I do know, though, is that I didn’t join this life for the time off. I am always acutely aware that my purpose in this life is to serve others and to give of myself. #MissionStatement. Because of this, I’m also aware that, while self-care and time off are important things, there is a danger that those things can become an idol or desire in themselves, affecting or diminishing my ability to serve in the most complete way possible. I don’t deserve a vacation. I’m not entitled to a day off. I deserve to give of myself and I am entitled to love freely. Period. To the extent that I am afforded things that will help me to love and serve in a more effective way, I am thankful. What that looks like or how I will navigate the gray fuzzy line between self-care and being self-ish is all a part of discernment and my life in God. May we all be shown the way!