For those who have followed me from the beginning, you know that my Franciscan journey has been one of managing my idealistic notion of what this life should be with what I (and my brothers) are actually capable of. I have chosen to speak about this much less in recent years, partially because the issues are no longer new, partially because the mission of Breaking in the Habit has changed, and partially… because the idealism of the beginning has been replaced with acceptance, for better or for worse.
Such is the case for us all, I guess.
But just because I don’t talk about my struggles of living this life as much—keeping my disappointments and aspirations a bit more hidden—doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. On a regular basis, if I am honest with myself, I find that I am a complete letdown to the life that St. Francis began (not to the Order as it exists today. There is a big difference.)
That’s not to say that there isn’t some hope in this still. Even as I fall short, I still find myself further along the path than I was or would have been without this life. And for that, I continue.