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Monthly Archives: December 2011

Friar Christmas Reflections

23 Dec

If you can believe it, my post Rethinking the “Season of Giving” was not actually the only Christmas reflection on the internet. I know! It was a surprise to me too! Anyway, Holy Name Province has collected excerpts from four reflections written by members of the province for your Advent/Christmas enjoyment. If you’re interested in reading them, the article can be found here (which also includes links to the full text of each reflection).

p.s. I made it safely home and currently elated with the 60 degree weather here in North Carolina.

 
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Posted by on December 23, 2011 in Announcement

 

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Vocation Vacation

21 Dec

Vocation Vacation? Not what I had in mind…

Starting tomorrow, the other four postulants and I will be free to leave for Christmas break, spending the next ten days however we please, wherever it pleases us. Personally, I’ll be on my way to the airport en route for my family’s house in North Carolina where I will spend most of my time relaxing and catching up with friends and family.

There’s no doubt that this is a very typical situation for most people: many people my age (including myself for the last four years) visit home for the holidays and spend the whole time relaxing and socializing. It is a familiar, comfortable place where we fall back into old habits and remember the person we once were. Surely, this is the farthest place from discernment one can be, right? Our postulant director sees it quite differently. Here’s a section of the letter he gave us yesterday:

I have insisted that this break is important and argued for your going home (or as close as I could get you to your home). The break is only a little more than a week, not long at all. During that time I’d suggest you take your breviary and pray the Office as you find comfortable. Do the same with daily mass; don’t feel that you have to go other than on Sunday but go as you like. Do not visit friars or friaries, your break is to get away from friars and friaries (and celebrate holiday time with your family). If you do not distance yourself you cannot get a clear picture of things. Talk with your family members and friends about the choice you’ve made and the vocation you feel called to. Test it against them. Ask if they notice any change in you. Notice any changes in them or your former environment.

This break is as important as any retreat you will take; it is a time for discernment.

Oddly enough, approaching the once familiar and comfortable might be the best bit of discernment I’ll have this entire year. By distancing myself from religious life, breaking out of the new habits I’ve formed and back into the old ones, I’ll have the opportunity to test the new against the old. Will the old habits fit too well to be shaken? Will I remember the life I once had and seek to live it again?

Or will I begin to feel as Francis did, as written in The Legend of the Three Companions: ”What before seemed delightful and sweet will be unbearable and bitter; and what before made you shudder will offer you great sweetness and enormous delight.”

There’s no doubt that there is a different feel to this trip home than there was in the previous four years; something feels different. Maybe I’m different. Time to relax and reflect will certainly tell. One thing I do know for sure, however, is that I have been looking forward to seeing my family and being home for a while now, and I’m very excited to see them later today! Wish me luck on my Vocation Vacation!

No does that mean a vacation for my vocation, or from it…?

 
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Posted by on December 21, 2011 in Discernment, Prayer

 

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Preparing For Novitiate: Update

20 Dec

It hit me after posting “Preparing For Novitiate” last week that I had forgotten to mention the many online publications about the Interprovincial Novitiate I’ll be attending next year.

For starters, the 14 men in Burlington take turns posting about their experiences on a community blog, Franciscan Interprovincial Novitiate. The new blog is a great way for me to prepare for next year as it is very detailed with pictures and personal reflections. A shorter alternative can be found on their community run Facebook page, focusing more on events than personal reflections. Outsides of the community’s pages, John Aherne, OFM, one of Holy Name Province’s novices, also wrote a great post about his experience so far on the province’s vocation’s website, Be A Franciscan. 

Blogs are not the only way to learn about the year, however, as Holy Name Province has written a number of articles about the interprovincial experience on its newsletter, HNP Today. There’s an article about their reception as novices at the beginning of the year, as well as one about the novices receiving their habits. This is a great newsletter to stay in touch with the happenings around the province with more than 330 friars.

As I mentioned before, Holy Name Province is very connected with technology and offers a great number of resources for those discerning, even for people like me who have already joined but would like to know more. If you just cant get enough of Franciscan blogs, there are six other blogs besides mine on the province’s website that are frequently updated.

 
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Posted by on December 20, 2011 in Formation

 

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Yes, But Under My Conditions

18 Dec

Am I trying to fool God or myself with the fine print?

As I continue to discern whether God is calling me to be ordained or not, I have come up with an analogy that describes my current disposition: I am like a potential parent that says, “I want to have a child… but only if it’s a boy.”

Like the would-be parent who is comfortable with the possibility of having a catch with his son or teaching him how to ride a bike, I have taken the big step forward over the past two years in acknowledging that there are some aspects of “being a father” that are appealing enough to me to take on the new role. Back in August, I mentioned that the sacrament of Reconciliation was one of these aspects. Besides that, I’m feel a strong calling to get involved in social justice activism (such as the ones run by our activist organization, JPIC), a ministry that needs the sacraments to remain fruitful. In this way, like the potential parent, I am very open to some of the roles a “father” might have to fulfill.

The problem with this sentiment is that it is not open to the all of the possibilities one may face. What if it’s a girl? Mentally handicapped? Doesn’t like baseball? Like the parent, there are aspects of ordination of which I am unwilling to accept at this point in my formation. What if I were assigned to an upper-middle class suburban parish so removed from poverty and hardship that it became difficult not to fall into complacency? Or, what if I were made pastor of a one-priest church, required to take on large amounts of administrative duties and left  tied down to one particular schedule and place? These are among the many hypothetical situations (along with a few theological issues that I won’t mention here) that leave me saying, “Yes, but under my conditions.”

Like a potential parent, I don’t think this is the proper disposition one can have to take on such a role. To be ordained is to say “yes” without condition, open and prepared for anything the kingdom of God needs here on earth. It means being a malleable instrument for which God can use whenever and however he pleases. To do so with conditions would be to misunderstand the role entirely; “yes, but under my conditions” is not really a “yes” at all.

As I move forward, this will be the focus of my discernment. Can I be open to all of the possibilities for which God will use me? I’ve certainly come a long way over the past few years in accepting new possibilities, and will just have to see how far that goes. I continue to thank you for all of your prayers in this process.

 
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Posted by on December 18, 2011 in Discernment

 

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Time to Read

14 Dec

One of the great things about this year is that I have a lot of time to read. Here’s what I’m focusing on right now.

Francis of Assisi: Early Documents

This is a book that no friar should be without. Part of a three volume set, this book includes everything that Francis ever wrote, including the Canticle of the Creatures, The Admonitions, The Earlier and Later Rules, and The Testament, as well as a long list of prayers and letters written to and for members of the order. Together, it amazingly takes up the first 126 pages of the book, a fact that is quite significant when one realizes the time in which he wrote and the lack of formal education and stability in his life. The rest of the book, as well as the other two books in the series, is made up of biographies, papal encyclicals, and liturgical texts written about Francis within the first few centuries after his death.

Because Francis has probably the largest hagiography of any saint (much of which is based in folklore and legend) it’s impossible to know who Francis actually was without reading the earliest and most authentic sources. So far, I’ve read about half of the texts penned by Francis himself as well as his earliest known biography.

The Catholic Study Bible (NAB Translation)

With the early documents, this is the other text that a friar can never be without. Besides being a critical text for all Christians, Francis was very well read in the Bible and thus, his life and Rule can only be understood by reading it.

After having read Luke and Mark’s Gospels twice each, I moved to the Old Testament for an understanding of Israelite history. Beginning the tour with 1 and 2 Samuel, and I plan to continue with 1 and 2 Kings, Jeremiah, and a minor prophet before returning to the New Testament to finish the Gospels and explore a few of Paul’s letters.

For me, it was/is critical to have a plan. Since the book is so large, it can be overwhelming to even start because there is a feeling that no matter how much reading I do, it can never be finished. By picking out a few critical books (some are just more important than others in the Salvation History narrative), and reading a few pages a day, the task is much more manageable and certainly more fulfilling.

In the Spirit of Francis and the Sultan

Over the years I’ve developed a real interest in ecumenism and inter-religious dialogue, embracing the Church’s efforts for peace and reconciliation among all of the world’s peoples. It’s no surprise, then, that I’ve taken to Francis’ encounter with the Sultan as a source of great inspiration: in a time when relations between Muslims and Christians were even worse than they are today, these two men found a way to speak peacefully, respect one another, and depart as equals to one another.

Though the book recognizes that there is little historical detail to the content of their meeting, the meeting in and of itself was a great first step in relations, and there is much to be learned from it to be used in our world today. Beginning with a basic overview of the two faiths, the authors point out the many similarities that could be used as a point of contact, as well as the many differences as a point of challenge to approach with caution, all with the hopes that with greater understanding will come more fruitful interactions, and ultimately peace.

St. Anthony of Padua: Wisdom for Today

Though most famous for being the saint for finding lost things, St. Anthony of Padua is also considered one of the greatest preachers of all time. This book is a compilation of excerpts from his homilies and writings, organized and commented on by a friar in the 1970s. Using it as more of a prayer/meditation aid than an academic read, I’ve been reading a page or two of this book every few days as a starting point for reflection.

 
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Posted by on December 14, 2011 in General Reflection

 

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Preparing For Novitiate

12 Dec

Talk about a full house!

Although our primary focus for being in Wisconsin last week was an interprovincial Postulancy workshop on sexuality, we enjoyed the added bonus of visiting the Novitiate house and meeting the Novices. We weren’t given a ton of free time throughout the week, but enough that we were able to hear from the Novices about their year so far, share meals with them and the Novice masters, experience their prayer style, and get familiarized with the house and grounds.

By the end of the week, I understood why the three stages of initial formation are called pre-Novitiate, Novitiate, and post-Novitiate: the Novitiate experience is clearly the center and frame of reference for the whole process. The Postulancy year, thus, is not just a waiting or trial period, it has the crucial objective of preparing men for the intense community and prayer life of the Novitiate.

So, what exactly do they do in the Novitiate, and are we being prepared well enough?

To oversimplify the concept, the Novitiate is a year of prayer, work, study, and community, in preparation for simple vows at the end of the year. The Novices in Wisconsin pray together four times a day, have class for two hours in the morning, do chores for two hours in the afternoon, and take turns cooking meals with and for each other before being allowed two hours of free time in the evenings. They are not allowed cell-phones, credit cards, or use of the internet, they’re not allowed to travel more than 15 miles away from the house, and there is a grand silence that begins at 9:30pm each night. It is through these extreme measures that the Novices are encouraged to take great steps in their prayer and community lives, freeing them from the many distractions of the outside world to focus more attentively on those things that are at the center of our lives.

And while this is necessary for a life as a friar, this lifestyle would be too much of a shock for most people right out of the gate. What would the retention rate be like if men left their old lives one day and showed up to this one on the next? Even as someone who is quite affirmed in his vocation, I would have struggled with the transition. Thus, Postulancy.

Having now seen the life of a Novice, everything (except the traveling) that we do makes perfect sense to me now, and I see that the Postulants of Holy Name Province will be as prepared as any for next year. We pray everyday as a community either twice or three times, emphasizing the importance of prayer but doing so in a bit more casual of a way; we attend class twice a week on basic Franciscan studies, preparing us not only in content but also in structure; our weekly group meetings, both as a whole house and as the formation group, keep us in touch with the needs and attitudes of the others, helping us to find our role in community; having set meals seven days a week has enforced a sense of responsibility and community; and our lack of freedom, whether it be in time off, ability to leave, use of technology during the day, limited stipends, or chores, has been taken slowly as to help the adjustment process. Taken together, the year is a stepping stone for the next, an introduction and preparation to the rigors that lie ahead.

In all reality, the hardest thing about next year will be that which we cannot prepare: living in a house with 24 other men. Because it’s an interprovincial Novitiate, we’ll be sharing the experience with at least six other provinces, having completed seven different postulant years, with seven different levels of preparedness, and 25 different personalities. I’m not sure if anything can fully prepare someone for that type of experience. Until that day comes, I look forward to living in the moment of each day as a Postulant, while always remembering what that moment is for: preparing for the Novitiate.

 
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Posted by on December 12, 2011 in Formation

 

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Greetings From Wisconsin!

07 Dec

As I enjoy our afternoon off from the workshop, I thought that I would upload some pictures of the interprovincial novitiate here in Burlington, WI. Once the house of philosophy for the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary province, it is now home to 14 novices and their three directors, and host to the 30+ postulants and directors here for the workshop (it’s big). More to come about the week, but here’s a preview:

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Posted by on December 7, 2011 in Formation, Trips

 

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3… 2… 1… Liftoff!

05 Dec

After a long and refreshing weekend in Wilmington, we’re off on our last leg of travels for the year. New York? Washington D.C.? Assisi? If you guessed any of these likely places, sadly for both of us, you are wrong. Sitting here at gate F35 of the Philadelphia airport, waiting for flight 4095, is the word “Milwaukee.” That’s right, Wisconsin.

As a part of the effort to better acquaint us with the postulants of the other English-speaking provinces, the formations directors have decided to gather us in Burlington, WI, at the site of the interprovincial Novitiate for an information workshop on Human Sexuality. Like our trip to Cincinnati back in October, this trip will offer an opportunity to build relationships with the men with which we’ll be living next year, as well as to touch on a very important topic in formation.

As you can probably tell from the picture, we have lots of fog and no plane… This is problematic. Assuming that this problem in remedied soon, pray for us that we have a safe trip and a fruitful week!

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Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Postulancy, Trips

 

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Rethinking the “Season of Giving”

04 Dec

Sometimes, this is what Christmas feels like to me.

As a “friar in training,” I’m pretty poor. I have enough to cover all my my needs and a few of my wants, but there’s no room for saving or extravagance. This, I have absolutely no complaints about.

One of the things that this forces me to do is to focus myself much better on the true meaning of the Advent and Christmas seasons. Most of my life I have been caught up in the “Season of Giving,” in which the holiday was dictated by things, either given or received; the great arrival that we awaited came in a box, not a manger. Even in the past few years when I’ve explicitly asked friends and family to abstain from buying me things, there has still been both a desire and a pressure to give to others (usually in the form of a purchased gift) which has inevitably led me to focus more on things and less on Jesus.

This year, I hope to no one’s surprise, I will not be buying any gifts for my friends and family members. For the amount I could possibly spend on each person, it is simply not worth the trouble. This, however, doesn’t mean that I will be ditching the sentiment altogether: there’s something to be said about the altruistic nature of the holiday that doesn’t need to be thrown away with the consumeristic “bathwater.”

Instead of focusing on the time as the “Season of Giving,” I’m going to try to see it as the “Season for Faith, Hope, and Love,” in which the three cardinal virtues will be my gifts to others. Understanding that gift giving is only one way to show affection to others, my lack of financial means will force me to try a number of the others: quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and touch.

I certainly believe that it is situations such as these, facing circumstances that upset the status quo of our lives, that we come to see the world in a different (and usually better) way, learn a bit more about ourselves, and ultimately grow closer to God and neighbor. I pray that this Christmas will be one filled with new experiences centered around the hope and joy of the coming Lord.

 
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Posted by on December 4, 2011 in General Reflection

 

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Living In The Moment

03 Dec

(My apologies for the length of this post, but there is a lot to say after an eight-day retreat.)

I’m not sure if everyone else is like this, but I have a very active imagination. I find myself with my head in the clouds quite often, either remembering some past experience or creating an elaborate hypothetical situation in the future, often times taking both sides of an argument or practicing eloquent dissertations. I’ve been told that this doesn’t make me crazy (really!), and that it can actually be a great form of prayer. On the other hand, it can be an escape that leaves me having never experienced the present moment; to only contemplate the past and future leaves no room for experiencing a great homily, the beauty of nature, the particularities of the mass, or most tragically, an experience of direct communication with God. My goal for this retreat was to fight the temptation to drift off and to stay focused on the present, to live in the moment.

And so we began. Ora et labora. Pray and work. St. Benedict’s great motto was our Rule for a week. Off went the cell phone, and quiet went the mouth for the majority of the day.

Each day was greatly dictated by the schedule for prayer: seven times a day, we dropped whatever we were doing and met the monks for a highly formalized prayer. This included Vigils (4:45am), Lauds (7:00am), Mass (9:00am), Sext (12:00pm), None (3:00pm), Vespers (6:30pm), and Compline (8:15pm). Though I found some of the hours to be a bit monotonous, at least intellectually I found the commitment to prayer to be quite profound. Even for minor hours such as Sext and None that lasted literally 6 minutes, no one ever missed it. Because prayer is the most important part of their life, other tasks had to work their way around the prayer schedule. This was a great witness to the rest of the world that prays as an afterthought or only in its “free time.”

Between prayers, we were free to read, go for walks, journal, pray privately, or best of all, nap extensively. With nothing required for us to do and being banned from our phones and unnecessary conversation, I saw the week as an excellent time to relax while being productive enough to catch up on some reading and writing.

To my great surprise, however, there can actually be such a thing as too much free time! And because it is very easy to forget to focus on the present and revert to a normal task-oriented way of thinking, I become restless within just a few days when there wasn’t enough to occupy my time. Without the news, music, conversation, tasks, games, or television to keep my attention, I was left in a world of which I was unfamiliar: silence. I even found myself treating prayer as something to be completed, allotting specific amounts of time for it and expecting certain results. In doing so, I inadvertently focused my attention more on how much time I had left and what my next task was than on my experience at that moment.

In the afternoon of day four, I hit a wall. I had no interest in reading. I had just taken a nap. had nothing to journal about. The thought of formal prayer didn’t entice me. I was in a state of lethargy that left me feeling apathetic, and honestly, a bit helpless. What was I going to do for another seven hours before bed and for four more days? 

Forcing myself to get up, I walked over to the chapel and sat down in eucharistic chapel with one goal: just exist. I told myself not to worry about how long I was going to be there, what I was going to focus on, how I was supposed to prayer. Just exist. Just live in the moment. Instead of closing my eyes and trying to block out the sounds around me, I embraced every one of my senses as a way to take part in the present moment. I thought to myself, “Since Jesus in his Eucharistic presence is in this specific place, I will just sit here and experience the surroundings with him.”

What was I hoping to get out of it? Nothing but a shared experience with a friend.

When was I going to finish? Whenever I didn’t want to enjoy the moment any more.

That was it. Just exist, together.

Though it was my goal from the start, it took time for me to actually realize what that meant. When I finally did, it was amazing how freeing of an experience it was to just sit and enjoy the moment with him. In that moment, for however long it lasted, I was given a faith that hadn’t been there before, connected in a way unlike any other in the past. It was unexpected. It was life giving. It shaped the rest of the week.

And yet, it was only the first wall I had to break through. No sooner did I have this revelation did I fall into the comfort of complacency: Now that I’ve had such a great experience, I’m good for a while. It was as if it gave me a free pass to stop seeking, to stop wanting more experiences, to be comfortable in the current state.

Had the retreat of lasted three days, I would have never gotten to the point of desperation that forced me to let myself go; had it of lasted six days, I would have never had to deal with the complacency that followed. Even though a life following St. Francis doesn’t exist in a cloister and focus entirely on prayer, it is clearly the first way of life described as “contemplative in action.” Without a fruitful foundation in prayer, our life is simply not possibile.

As a final note, there are no pictures from this week. Keeping with the goal of living in the moment, I was inspired by the words of John Mayer in his song 3×5:

Didn’t have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world through both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I’m in the mood to lose my way with words

Sometimes I can be so focused on capturing the perfect picture (angle, settings, lighting, etc) that I forget to see the world around me as it is. I was taken aback by the lush rolling hills, the open fields in such vastness, the multiplicity of shades of blue in one sky, and the quiet of the human-free world.

 
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Posted by on December 3, 2011 in Prayer

 

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