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Monthly Archives: September 2011

Why Do We Suffer? Pt. 1

28 Sep

Where is God amidst suffering?

Poverty, war, ecological disasters, abuse, death, cancer, famine. Why do we experience suffering and evils? It’s a question that I’ve thought about for a few years now, and the lack of a concrete answer begs one of the oldest and most popular theological questions: if we are to believe that God is omnipotent, omniscient, and comprising all that is good, what does the existence of suffering and evil do to God?

There are two very common, and incomplete, answers to this question that attempt to justify God. The first is the claim that “everything happens for a reason.” If there is suffering, it is because God made it so. There is no such thing as coincidence: everything that happens, good or bad, is either a gift or burden from God based on his plan for each of us. This paradigm upholds God’s omnipotence and omniscience, but it also accepts that God permits, even sends, evil and suffering to the world. This is an unacceptable paradigm.

As a reaction to this cold-hearted God that sends despair, others will characterize God as a “watchmaker,” forming all creation as good but then stepping away and taking the role as compassionate observer as it is set into motion. This paradigm upholds God’s omniscience and goodness, but it asserts that God is distant from us in our suffering, and powerless to effect change in creation. This, also, is an unacceptable paradigm.

Though technically complete opposites, both of these explanations share the same flaw: neither is willing to accept that there are different forms of suffering that may have different origins. They both attempt to protect God by saying that he is EITHER in complete control OR completely innocent of any harm. The truth is, God is BOTH just AND merciful; BOTH respects our autonomy AND values our connectedness; and through the incarnation, BOTH separately divine AND similarly human. God is at once in our lives, articulating and inspiring his plan to us through word and deed, responsible for some of our suffering, and also autonomous, allowing for the world to work itself out, free from his every command or desire.

The true question in theodicy, thus, is not whether or not God causes suffering, but rather which acts of suffering are at God’s hand, and which are not (and what are other possible sources)? Part two of this series will deal with understanding how and why God causes suffering, how this suffering does not negate his goodness, and how we are to respond to it. Part three will recognize the free will God grants us, the inevitable consequences of such an act, and how God then responds to us. Taken together, I hope to create a more complete paradigm through which we may see and understand God, refusing to accept easy answers and half-truths. There is no doubt that my synthesis is incomplete and will need further adaptations, but I hope that it may add to each of your own perceptions of God.

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2011 in General Reflection

 

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Retreat to the Beach

27 Sep

Great guys, great food, and a great view!

Up until only recently, friars were not allowed to spend the night with family or friends outside of the friar community: when visiting home, they were required to sleep at the local rectory and commute to wherever their family lived. This, along with the vow of poverty, made it very difficult for many friars to take much needed vacations or retreats from their ministries.

It was because of this, that the province decided in the 1960s to buy a house in Margate, NJ. Centrally located to a lot of friars back then, this 13 “bedroom” house offered a free and comfortable getaway whenever anyone needed it. (I put “bedroom” in quotes because it was probably designed as a seven bedroom house, but walls were added to trade quality for quantity, and each one is probably about 6×15 ft.) Throughout the summer, and even the off-season, friars fill the house on personal vacations, community retreats, and overnight stays in place of a hotel.

What was great about this trip was that the entire community of Wilmington friars attended it. Though we’ve been living with Fr. Chris, Fr. Todd, Br. Bill, and Fr. John since August, we never really had a chance to formally get to know them. It was a great opportunity to hear their vocation stories, discuss our different experiences in the friars, possible visions we have for the future, and general ideas related to living together. Along with prayer, mass, meals, and a good amount of free time to spend on the deck and beach, it was a refreshing weekend.

Given the free time to just sit by the ocean and think, I think a few things were made a bit clearer in my mind. Over the next few days/weeks, I’d like to post my reflections on a few topics that have grabbed my attention over the past month: Gods role in suffering and why bad things happen to us, the necessity of keeping the sabbath and how difficult it can actually be for a priest/religious brother, and what it means to be a spiritual death valley or dead sea. Though we’re given a lot of time during the day for prayer and reflection, there’s just something about being at the beach and looking out at the wonder of the ocean that is so conducive for epiphanies and revelations. Hopefully I’ll be able to articulate some of the things I realized this weekend in a way that will be helpful to others. I hope you’ll check back in a day or so and see which one I’ve decided to tackle first! Thanks again for reading!

Pictures are up on the shutterfly website!

 
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Posted by on September 27, 2011 in Postulancy, Trips

 

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Adopting a Few New “Habits”

24 Sep

The postulancy is a year for trying on a new way of life

“The Franciscans have been wearing the same thing for 800 years, and in no way is it out of style. From the latin word habitus meaning “to put on a new way of life,” the habit is an outward symbol of an inward commitment. I will not receive one until my second year, and will not have the three knots until I take my initial vows the following year.” Sound familiar? It should! It’s been on the right side of the screen under the brown habit since I launched this blog!

I think it’s a great idea on the part of the order to a have a preparatory year such as this in which we do not receive the habit because it allows us to discern our own inward commitments a bit more before we show the world in such a physical way. This, however, doesn’t mean that we as postulants can’t begin “to put on a new way of life,” expressing the beginnings of our inward commitment by adopting personal “habits” so to speak. Here are a few of the lifestyle changes that I’ve made so far this year that I feel are both a representation of my commitment and an aid to strengthen it.

Early to bed, early to rise: It’s been a very difficult discipline, but I’ve been in bed by 11:00 almost every single night, and up by 7:00 every single morning. For those who don’t think that’s hard, remember that I’m 22, and just 6 months ago I was on the 1:30am-9:30am sleep cycle. The first week of transitioning was awful, but I’ve been okay with it since.

No more dryer for me: In an attempt to lower my carbon footprint and better respect God’s creation, I’ve decided to air-dry all of my clothes. It takes about ten extra minutes of work to hang all of them on a drying rack than than to throw them in dryer, but there is absolutely no energy used in the process. It also means that my clothes, in theory, will last longer, requiring me to buy new things less often.

Praying multiple times a day, every day: As a community, we pray in the morning at 7:30, in the evening at 5:15, and at night at 9:00. Though this isn’t exactly an optional habit to get into, it still requires an appropriate mindset for each: I could simply show up to each, or I could take a few minutes before and after the set times to prepare and reflect. I’m certainly working towards the latter, and it’s one of the best habits I’ve adopted.

Reading the Bible everyday: As a typical Catholic growing up, I didn’t read the Bible often, and the extent of my knowledge came from the readings at mass. Given that it has a couple thousand pages, it would be easy enough to label it an overwhelming task and never read any of it. But if I commit to reading a chapter or two every day, 3-6 pages a day turns into more than a thousand pages in a year. I can commit to three pages a day! So far I’ve read the Gospel of Luke, most of John, and the commentaries for both.

Clean and simple room: For those of you who know me well, this may be the most shocking habit I’m attempting to adopt. I have made my bed every day, I fold and put away clothes immediately, and I’ve put papers and books back where they go rather than letting them stack up. As I said in A Rush To Slow Down, my room is my sacred space, and part of keeping it sacred is keeping it clean. So far so good, but we’ll have to see once the year starts getting a little busier!

Obviously there are a lot more things that have changed in my life since last year, but I thought that these were the most significant. I hope that adopting these new habits with great joy will help me discern my commitment to following St. Francis’ way of following Jesus.

I won’t be able to post again until Tuesday night at the earliest as we’re heading off to the beach for a community retreat. Thanks for reading and I hope you’ll check back Tuesday or Wednesday!

 
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Posted by on September 24, 2011 in Formation, Postulancy

 

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It’s Off to Work We Go

21 Sep

Father Ron took this picture of us yesterday

Yesterday our lives as postulants got busy. After a month of a sort of “grace period, (but of course, all periods with the friars are graced…) we were let loose from the house, sent forth into the world to minister. Three days a week, Edgardo will meet with the Legion of Mary where he will be visiting the sick and bringing communion to the housebound parishioners; Ramon and Sergio will drive up to Philadelphia to work at the St. Francis Inn where they will be serving the poor directly; and Dennis and I will be going to a nursing home in Newark to visit the sick and elderly.

Unlike most nursing homes, Jeanne Jugan Residence is a warm, inviting place where almost all of its residents are happy to be there, and there is a waiting list of a few years to be admitted. Run by the Little Sisters of the Poor, a religious order of women devoted to the sick and elderly, this home offers a dignity and respect to each of its residents that I have never seen before: there are two full-time entertainment coordinators that run games and events every day, the residents are visited on a daily basis by the sisters, the food is honestly very good, and the facilities feel more like a big comfortable home than a drafty hospital. The sisters that run the home actually take a forth vow (along with poverty, chastity, and obedience) of hospitality, vowing to never let anyone feel unwelcome or lonely, caring for those especially on their deathbed. Besides serving those who can no longer serve themselves, the sisters have a whole wing of the building set aside as apartments for more active and independent people, free to come and go as they please.

All in all, pretty boring job right? Listen to old folks ramble on about the “good ol’ days” and about how “kids these days” are ruining society, right? Yesterday, I played a card game called Tri-Virsity with three sassy women that had me on my toes and laughing the whole time (who also beat me), got a chance to go to mass, ate ribs with the residents living in the apartments, played host to a number of game shows such as “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?” then rounded out the day by getting my butt kicked in Wii bowling by someone three times my age (seriously, I bowled a 223 and this old lady beat me by more than 20 pins!)

Because there’s such a range in activity levels, I’m excited to run a bible study for some, but also be a pair of ears for the lonely ones who never get visitors; play competitive card games, but also push someone’s wheelchair outside so they can get fresh air; listen to some tell me about how I’m “exactly like my grandson” or “perfect for my granddaughter” but also talk without response to others so they know someone’s with them.

For Dennis and I, work looks a bit more like leisure: we play games, we sit and talk, and we enjoy a meal together. But in the end, even though it may not be very “difficult” to do what we’re doing, does it make it any less significant for the person to which we’re ministering? If we want to uphold the dignity of all human life and foster the authentic development of all human life, I think it’s equally as important to play Wii with a lonely old woman as it is to give bread to a hungry young man. Don’t you? When I look at it this way, and realize that God needs help in many different ways, it’s pretty easy to just let go, take a vow of obedience, and minister wherever it is I’m told to go… even if that place is a nursing home.

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2011 in Postulancy

 

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Español con Capuchinas

19 Sep

(It means

As some of you may know, my spanish is pretty abysmal. I took the required three courses while at Furman, and passed with an A-, B, and C respectively (but not all that respectably). As if it wasn’t poor enough “in my prime,” it’s been more than a year since I’ve tried to speak it. So… yeah… I don’t speak Spanish.

That’s all about to change! Our province believes that it is very important that all of it’s members have a basic understanding of the language and be able to at least communicate on the lowest level with the Hispanics we serve. Throughout our formation, we will be encouraged to “perfect” our speaking ability through classes, leading up to a trip to Bolivia in a few years. But before that happens, there is a lot to be learned, which brings me to tonight: our first class. The original plan was to enroll in a community college course and to learn the language very formally; that’s what they’ve done in years past, and it has worked out okay. But with the larger group this year, the large difference in experience levels, and the possibility of missing classes due to travel, there is a new plan: class with the Mexican sisters down the street.

Tonight was the first try at the new experiment. The four non-native speakers spent an hour and a half sitting around a kitchen table casually trying to communicate with Sister Delores and one another, fumbling over words and, I’m sure, saying things we didn’t mean to say. Luckily for us, Sister Delores is a very understanding and funny woman, and was patient with each of us, using a mix of English and Spanish to get through the conversation. All in all, it was actually a really fun time and I think it was a great environment to learn. I look forward to meeting with her each week, and God willing, becoming a bit more proficient in the language. (Well, maybe God can’t do everything…)

 
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Posted by on September 19, 2011 in Postulancy

 

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Sound Familiar?

17 Sep

Can you picture a friend in this life?

At this point, it’s been 20 posts since I started blogging, and so far I’ve shared my story of being called to faith, introduced a few topics that I’m discerning, given some detail to the daily life of a postulant, and given a brief look to the future. All things considered, even without knowing me personally, those of you who have read my blog up until this point have a basic understanding of who I am and what my calling is.

Which leads me to a question, and a break from my normal style of post: do the things I share about myself and my vocation sound familiar to any of you? Is there someone that you know that thinks about the same things, wants to make a difference in the world, and maybe even looks good in brown? The reason I ask is because I find this life to be the most joyous and fulfilling option out there, and I want to share it with everyone! It’s amazing to think that there are others, like me, that would have never even considered it without the suggestion or support from a friend, and yet are tailor-made by God for such a giving and joyous life. If that’s the case for someone you know, PLEASE TELL THEM! I am so glad that God worked through others to help me get to where I am, and I know so many others that think the same.

I’d be ecstatic if you went out on a limb and forwarded this blog to potential guys, even if you think they wouldn’t be interested. (I listened to “you’d make a great friar” for more than a year before I actually heard it for the first time! Some of us are more stubborn than others…) Though I started this to keep in touch with friends and family, I realized pretty early that it could be an aid for those discerning, for those who my have questions, and for those who had never really been introduced to the friars to get a glimpse of the life; it’s certainly something that I looked for in my process. Who knows! You may be the person they look back to and thank for leading them to such an incredible life!

If you think something a bit more professional or “official” would work better, by all means, check out what the province has to offer. Fr. Brian Smail, the vocations director, is really on top of using all sorts of mediums to attract young men, and it’s no surprise that there is so much interest over the past few years. There is a vocation’s blog, a Facebook page, a Twitter account, Podcasts made by Br. Dan Horan, youtube videos, and of course, the main information website. Check them out and see what you think!

I hope that you’ll think deeply about aiding in the vocational calling of both men and women around you, and won’t be afraid to speak up when you meet a great candidate. I know it’s a bit different than my normal posts, and I thank those who read anyway, but I just feel so passionately about this decision that I want everyone to know that it’s an option. Thanks for humoring me!

As a final note, if you’d like to receive an email notifying you whenever I post, you can sign up for a subscription on the right side of the screen. All you need is an email address.

 
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Posted by on September 17, 2011 in Announcement, Discernment

 

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“Franciscan” Cinema

16 Sep

As we begin to investigate the plethora of material about Francis in order to better know and follow him, we begin this week with cinema: Brother Sun Sister Moon, Francesco, and Into the Wild. All of the movies share a “franciscan” spirit, but differ greatly in style and content.

I’m sorry to all of you that grew up in the 1960s and 70s, but this movie was awful. Directed by Franco Zeffirelli (the same guy who did Romeo and Juliet), everything about this movie reflects the hippie culture in which it was made. Focusing almost exclusively on Francis’ connection with nature, the movie is filled with scenes of him running through flowery fields, smiling and singing to animals, and carelessly and aimlessly frolicking through life like someone on psychedelic drugs. I found him to be very socially awkward and out of touch, two things that Francis very much was not.

Undoubtedly aware of the frilly, hippie-like depictions of Francis that are very common, Francesco attempted to place Francis, in all of his raw humanity, accurately into the 13th century world. Using fairly graphic images, it follows him through his experience of pride and indulgence in his youth, barbaric tragedies while he was at war, and real struggles with pain, lust, confusion, and ridicule after his conversion. There is a relatable humanity in his experience, and a realism in his conversion. Poverty appears to be the most emphasized aspect of this movie, but it does an adequate job of showing the development of brotherhood (even showing the disorganization and mutiny that ensued, showing the real human problems that he faced).

The last movie we watched was not about Francis per se, but dealt with a number of issues that Francis did in his early life. Into the Wild is a movie about a college graduate that feels alienated by his upper middle class family, confined by society’s definitions of “free,” and “happy,” and in search of a life with deeper meaning than money can buy. Without telling his parents, he gives away his money, burns his social security card, and sets out to live in complete isolation from all forms of society, finding life outside of society to be the height of existence (in a nonconformist and escapism sort of way). As a rugged individual too guarded for intimacy, he begins to shape the lives of those he encounters, but refuses to see any one of them as more than utilitarian in his own life. It’s only at the very end of his journey that he realizes, “Happiness is only real when shared.”

Each movie had a quality to it that I found very endearing, while also having some major flaws. From what I read about Francis and what drew me to this life, was that his conversion was motivated by love of his brother and sister, seeking to be a humble servant to all as Jesus did. Though he expressed this by regaining touch with God’s creation, lowering himself in status and power, and leaving his old self behind, he did not find any one of these things to be an end in themselves. Some aspects of the movies captured his humanity quite well, depicting him as an ENFP (or at least that’s how I see him); other aspects romanticized him a bit too much, stripping him of any flaw or human quality. I think the latter is a great detriment to his life. Ultimately, each captures a unique aspect of the great man that I find so inspiring and hope to be worthy of following some day.

 
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Posted by on September 16, 2011 in Formation

 

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A Day Off… kind of

13 Sep

I didn't even have to fake being sick!

As I said in Far From Routine, we have a “plan” for each week; whether or not we stick to it is a completely different story. Part of this plan is that Saturdays and Sundays are left as free as possible, requiring us to attend mass, prayer, and meals, but allowing us the freedom to do whatever we need to relax and recharge. Since we’ve been either traveling or in workshops each weekend since we arrived, today became “kind of” one of those free days. We started with prayer and mass this morning, but don’t have any responsibilities until evening prayer, dinner, and a movie about Francis later tonight.

Which leaves me with a million dollar question: what should I do with my day “off”? At the risk of scheduling my whole day with work, I’d like to take advantage of the rare freedom to get some things done that I’ve been putting off.

As if I were still in school, there is a tower of reading (both personal and assigned) that I would like to catch up on. This includes: Where is God by Jon Sobrino, a reflection on the earthquake that hit El Salvador in 2001 and an incredible work in theodicy; Francis of Assisi- The Saint- Volume 1, a compilation of the early documents written by or about Francis, including the famous biography by Thomas of Celano; Lumen Gentium and Gaudium et Spes, two of the most critical documents that came out of the Second Vatican Council, and documents that I’ve skimmed before but would like to read in full; and always, The New American Bible, something that I would like to make time for every day.

Remembering that I’m not still in school, I will not, however, be spending the whole day catching up on reading, no matter how high the stack gets. I’ve just heard from one of the postulants that we’ve finally found the key to the giant bell tower at our church, and we will be exploring that later. I will of course be bringing my camera, and hopefully there’s a great view from the city worth posting! I’d also like to do a bit of exploring of the city, possibly even having lunch downtown somewhere. Wilmington is small, and despite what our neighborhood looks like, the downtown is kind of nice.

At some point during the day I will have to do a bit of real work, as indicated in the “kind of” part of the title. Each of us has a set of chores that need to be completed each week, and given our busy schedules, there’s not a whole lot of time to do them except on our day off. I’m in charge of the second floor hallway, the recreation room and bathroom, and the staircases. It’ll be a bit of work, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to (or feel like) finishing it all today, but they’ll get done. I think it’s an important part of community for each of us to share a significant portion of the work, no matter how new or old, qualified or unqualified.

Last but certainly not least, I would like to set aside part of my day for intentional prayer and reflection. Even in religious community, it can be easy to check prayer off the list each day (or to even skip it) and move on quickly to the next thing. There are a list of topics that I have been paying particularly close attention to, and I would like some more time to pray about them. Check back later tonight to see which one I chose to focus on!

And with that, it’s time to get off the computer and start enjoying my day! Have a great day and thanks for reading!

 
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Posted by on September 13, 2011 in Postulancy

 

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New Community at the Castle

12 Sep

Mount Saint Alphonsus was built in 1907 as a seminary

Given the history and nature of religious orders in the United States, the majority of the communities spread across the country are either headquartered or have distinct roots in the northeast. Thus, one of the advantages of having our formation process in this area is that there are numerous groups of men and women at the same stage of formation as we are here in Wilmington, allowing for us to form a larger network of support and overall growth.

For example, this weekend we attended a workshop organized by the Religious Formation Conference (RFC) in Esophus, NY. About 20-30 men and women (ranging in experience from 2 days to 3 years in formation) spent the weekend learning about different prayers, discussing our experiences in small groups, practicing each prayer in private, and getting to know the groups and individuals represented on a personal level.

The workshop portion of the weekend, and by that I mean the organized activities, was a bit broad and lacked the depth that I was expecting (if I can be completely honest). The speaker was obviously experienced in each of these prayers, and had a lot to offer. The problem was that she tried to fit a lot of different types of prayers into a day and a half rather than focusing on just one prayer and giving it a lot of attention. Part of it is certainly the limitation of the group: because it is made up of a wide range of experience levels, and because each religious order has different expectations for their formation students, there needs to be a broader, one-size-fits-all atmosphere in order to include everyone.

This is not to say that I was disappointed in the experience; far from it! What was missing in the organized activities was more than made up in private conversations, fellowship at meals, new relationships, and my own personal broadening of “vocation.” In talking about our religious calls, our vocation processes, the struggles we were facing, and our visions for the future, I found myself taking part in the “catholic” aspect of our church: though unified in our call from God and mission to uphold the life of the Church, we went about expressing each of these in entirely different ways. I was fascinated beyond imagination to hear about the different spiritualities, how each group was coping with a changing world, the vision of the founder, and their day-to-day lives.

In hearing each of them speak, I was also more than reaffirmed of my own Franciscan spirituality, the order I am joining, the way we do things and the way we don’t do other things. There is certainly a reason why people join one group over another! As we go to these workshops throughout the year, I have no intention of switching groups or changing spiritualities; but I do hope that in building these relationships I may be able to enrich my faith with new ideas, as well as to enrich others’ with a Franciscan way of looking at something.

Given the title I chose for this post, I couldn’t close without saying a world about the retreat house. WOW! Just look at it. It’s enormous! It was built in 1907 by Redemptorist Congregation as a seminary for its aspiring priests. I’ve added my own pictures to the shutterfly page, and you can learn more about it’s history here. We’re going back in November, so look forward to pictures of the place surrounded by fall leaves!

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2011 in Formation, Trips, Workshop

 

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